Tales of waggin' tails, no tails, and tail feathers . . .

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Caution: Makes Frequent Stops

   So, this past year my brother got divorced.  In the divorce settlement he got his car back.  Translation: Amber got his car.  Woohoo!  My bro told me that as long as I took car of the oil changes and replaced to filter so as not to void the warranty I could drive it as much as I wanted til he got a chance to fly down and drive it back. 
   I can't even tell you how awesome this was.  Of course, this summer I didn't have a job, but it was still nice to have a second car.  And my brother ok'd my trips to my parents' (8 hour drive), as well as back and forth to job interviews (is he great or what!?)
   It was a great car, the Toyota Highlander, but I will say it had to touchiest brakes on any car that I've ever driven.  When I arranged to pick it up, the ex-wifey had left it in the parking lot of her workplace w/ the key under a mat.  Jamie dropped me off, and I jumped in for my first drive in the 'new' car.  Change the radio, adjust the mirrors, buckle the seat belt, and I'm off.  Getting out of the parking lot, I must've looked like a student driver.  I'd be going give or take 4mph and gently depress the brake pedal, only to get slammed to a dead halt.  So, other than a little whiplash getting out of the parking lot I'm doing good. 
   Then I turn onto the road, and notice that a magical leprechaun clearly drove this car previously b/c I'm sitting so close to the steering wheel I'm fairly certain I could touch it w/ my tongue.  No worries I'll merely adjust the seat.  Coming to a stop light, I lean down w/ my left hand reaching in between my legs to pull up the bar to release the seat.  Only when I go to push back on the released seat I inadvertently push on the brake pedal, as I'm slowing for the stoplight.  SCREECH, SLAM!!!  Not only does the SUV stop on a dime, but of course the seat isn't locked and comes flying forward into the steering wheel at what, I'm going to hazard a guess to say, is near the speed I was just traveling only seconds prior. 
   So, here I am stopped randomly thirty yards from the stoplight, pinned awkwardly to the steering wheel by the seat which has now conveniently locked into place.  The seat is so far forward that I can barely breath let alone move, and at this point I could actually lick the wheel b/c my face is awkwardly smashed into it at about two o'clock, with my left arm stuck (yes, you guessed it) between my body and the steering wheel still reaching between my legs.  Sigh.  Placed the car in park, flipped on my flashers w/ my free hand, and then I start to shimmy my arm downward trying to reach the bar to once again release the seat. 
   This is about the time the bicycle cop knocked on my driver's side window . . . needless to say I got the seat released, and then set about the task of convincing him that I had, in fact, not been drinking.  No easy task since understandably he "doesn't often encounter people who get into car accidents w/ themselves, other cars, other people, even trees, but not usually themselves" . . . his words not mine. 

What Amber got in the divorce!

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Complaint Reel

So, I'm feelin a little vaporish this morning.  I know I have like a billion things to be thankful for, but I'm not irritated about those things so here come the complaints:

1.  It is abominably cold in Roanoke, VA.  And they tell me it only gets colder: ugh. (on the bright side I did purchase the most outrageous woolly hat ever! and I actually get to wear it here)

2.  Dear Men,  Please cool it w/ the cologne/after shave.  If there is a dense cloud of smell surrounding you, if you walk through a park and birds drop dead out of the trees around you, or if my eyes well up w/ tears just being on the same grocery aisle as you - YOU HAVE TOO MUCH SMELLY CRAP ON!!!  I would call you gay, but even gay dudes know better!  You want just an enticing hint of manly smell, leave the women wanting more, instead of just wanting you to vacate the premises.  Sheesh!

3.  If you have to go on WIC or some other welfare program b/c you can't afford your food/health care here's an idea: STOP PROCREATING!  I got behind a women at the grocery yesterday who was paying w/ WIC (insert groan here), and she had three kids.  I find the whole WIC program utterly obnoxious.  It takes forever to use those stupid little checks they hand out, the people have to make separate purchases, and the items have to match the check description exactly.  Ex. WIC check says: 1 gal whole milk.  There are no substitutions, no half-gallons, no 2%, no organic. 
  While this women was not flaunting her inability to pay, occasionally I get behind those using WIC or EBT to pay who do.  The other day I got behind a women whose WIC check wouldn't clear b/c she had crumpled it up in her sweaty little hand for too long making it illegible.  Translation: I had to wait 30 minutes in line behind her while she made the cashier run it through 18 times til the computer finally gave up and took it. 
   All the while I'm getting more and more annoyed thinking, "Not only as a tax paying citizen am I paying for your food, but now I am made to suffer/wait excruciatingly long times in line behind you, while my irritation builds."  This just gives me more time to examine her person: designer jeans, fake french nails, and dyed hair (ok, admittedly, I wouldn't have paid money for the hair job, so it was prolly an at home kit), but still!  I do not own a pair of designer jeans nor can I afford to get my nails done at a minimum price of $35 a pop, but apparently I can afford to buy her food necessities!  Grrrrrr. 
   I just got out of college where I lived off of overage $5,700 a year!  So, I could make myself better, and support my future family as well as those who can't support their own freakin families.  So, I get a little irritated (understatement).  I no longer frequent either of these groceries as I find the my increase in blood pressure not worth it.

And that my friends concludes my complaint reel . . . I already feel soooo much better after getting that off my chest!

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Canoodle My Noodle

   I've mentioned before that I allow Moxi to eat with me.  I know this is a terrible idea, but up until today I worked out a few tricks to make it easier.  If I'm eating something that she could have a bite of like a lean cuisine w/ veggies and noodles I'll pull something out for her make sure it's cool enough and then give it to her to have her merry way with.  She takes an inordinate amount of time to eat just about anything so she never gets more that one or two bites usually. 
   When she first came home I tried to feed her all kinds of goodies I had purchased for her fresh fruits and veggies, and much to my disappointment she was not interested in taking food from my hand.  Fast forward to today and she'll take just about anything from my hand, taste it, and then either eat it or throw it down.  I'm always interested to see what she likes and doesn't like.  I eat a canned vegetable soup and she likes just about every veggie out of it except for the celery.  So, if I give a piece of celery she usually gives it to the dogs and comes right back for something else.  She really likes the peas out of the soup, and I find it interesting that even though they are cooked she still won't eat the thin layer of skin on the outside of the pea.  She very carefully peals the pea and eats the inside only. 
   If I sit down to eat something that she can't have any of like chocolate or something, I usually try to plan ahead and have one of her treats available to keep her busy and make her think she is getting some, like a piece of pretzel. 
   When I eat spaghetti, which is often cuz it's super easy, I always pull out a couple of noodles before I add the sauce to give Moxi.  She really likes noodles and I use the organic, all wheat noodles.  She does have a little bit more trouble with the spaghetti noodles than something bigger like linguini I think because she ends up biting straight through it and most of it ends up going to the dogs.
   So, I'd just given Moxi one of her plain noodles and I started to dig into my spaghetti.  I was reading an intriguing article about forensic pharmacy which is why I didn't notice that the dogs had gotten Moxi's noodle and not Moxi.  She started to sidle down my left arm toward the spaghetti and she was at my wrist before I knew it. 
   "Well, hello."  Too late did I realize she was coming for another noodle . . . she dipped her head onto the plate and grabbed not one but three noodles all covered in red spaghetti sauce.  What followed was an excellent example of her 'snatch and run.'
   "Noooo!"  Ugh . . .  There she went: a little green blur racing up my arm w/ three noodles covered in red marinara sauce flapping wildly behind her - o the horror.  Both bird and owner are now much "bloodier" looking that just minutes prior, w/ the trail beginning at my wrist, through my hair, and ending on the couch behind my neck.  Sheesh.  And just FYI, apparently red sauce does, in fact, stain a birds feathers PERMANENTLY!
Cutest bird EVER!

Monday, December 6, 2010

The Rundown

   I know, I know I'm a terrible blogger.  Clearly I have a responsibility to my adoring fans, and over the past two and half months I've really left you hangin.  Please accept my sincerest apologies, and know that it's probably not the last time I'll take an unexpected leave of absence.  I have just been super busy lately, SO much has happened that I need to fill you in about.  After going to countless job interviews I finally got a job, YAY!  So, here's a quick rundown of what the last couple of months have been like:

Graduate w/ PharmD
Get house ready to sell.
Put house on market.

Apply for jobs.

Apply for more jobs.
Pass Pharmacy Boards.

Apply for jobs.
Interview for jobs.
Get turned down for jobs.

See August.

Get HIRED!!!
Find rental house.
Start work/training.
Need to pass Virginia Law: Study
Get furniture moved in.

Jamie interviews for jobs.
Jamie gets job.
Jamie moves.
Pass VA Law. (Yay, no more studying!)
Get VA Pharmer's license.
Buy transportation.
Celebrate Turkey Day w/ the fam!
Give Adam car back/meet the girl

Apply to get vaccination certified: comes w/ 121 page study manual: crap.

Needless to say I am really loving my new job!  I'm part time in a store and part time floater, so I have my first 12 hour shift on Tuesday which is gonna be super fun b/c it also happens to be a 2 hour drive from home making it a 16 hour day, phew!  Rinse and repeat again on Friday.  I'll let you know if I still love my job so much after that!