Tales of waggin' tails, no tails, and tail feathers . . .

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Mall Madness

  One may have noticed that I did not make a post on Labor Day.  One might assume that I was in some sort of distress, and that I was somehow unable to post.  And One would be correct.  I had a very distressing day on Monday - I went to the mall.  Gasp!  I know, I know . . . the obvious question being: what would possess me to venture out into the depths of the shopping jungle on what (unbeknownst to me) is considered the 14th busiest shopping day of the year (ya know following the 12 days of Christmas and Black Friday)? 
   It is common knowledge that I am looking for a job and being jobless I have no money and having no money clearly I should not ever being going to the mall on any day of the year.  But, in my defense, I have some job interviews lined up (yay) and I needed something professional to wear (blah), and all that talk about 'big Labor Day sales' drew me in like a lamb to the slaughter (eek). 
   I already knew this wasn't going to be a pleasant outing due to the fact that I might've gained a few pounds over the summer (apparently, blogging does not burn many calories . . .) and as anyone w/ half a brain could tell you a woman would rather chew off her own arm rather that go up a dress size.  So, begrudgingly I set off to go to the mall. 
   I should've known that it was going to be helter skelter the minute I pulled into the parking lot - there wasn't a parking spot to be had.  I circled around, swooped into the first one I saw, and trudged into the nearest department store that shall remain nameless (but it starts w/ a 'D' and ends in 'illards').  The second I walked in the door I knew I had just stepped out of cozy, comfy Columbia, SC and directly into the seventh circle of purgatory.  There were people EVERYWHERE.  To my left the handbag area was in tatters and to my right the shoe department looked like a shoe-bomb had exploded.  Then as I tried to skirt around the shoe department chaos a child came out of nowhere and flung itself onto the floor directly front of me in what appeared to be a full body-convulsing rage of a tantrum, screams piercing the air (shudder).  It was madness I tell you, madness . . . needless to say I did not find anything before I simply couldn't take it any longer and I scurried home. 
   So, yesterday I went back to the mall (I know, glutton for punishment, right? ) . . . but it was completely different.  It was like that fantastical, mythical place you hear about in fairy stories . . . the parking lot was empty, things were neat and tidy in the stores, there wasn't a mass of people crowed around me cramming into me on all sides, no screaming children.  It was downright blissful.  Of course, I got in and out of there as soon as I could: no use pushing it.  And yes, thank you for asking, I found a pair of pants.

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